just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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