dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
