There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
