When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
