I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
