She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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