Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
