I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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