Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
