I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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