Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
