Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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