I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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