he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
