Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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