The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So squirting runs in the family.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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