Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the condom got lost in my hair
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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