I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
