We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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