omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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