The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
