I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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