Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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