I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
