OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
