The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
