This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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