i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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