do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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