Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
