we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was confusing and full of hummus
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
