Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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