I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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