all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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