There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
