i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
