Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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