i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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