How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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