I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
