She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
