hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
