Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
