but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
