FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
