You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
