Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
