My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a search helicopter?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
