She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
