My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
