he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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