the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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