Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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