I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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