I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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