At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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