Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
3 2 1 whiskey
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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