I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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