No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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